dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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