I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
