He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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