suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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