There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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