That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
