I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
