I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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