if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
