Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
