I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
be right there i have to get my cape
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
