absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
