By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
