Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this boner is exhausting
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
