Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
