Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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