i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
