So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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