did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can I color on your dick again?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
