I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
