No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
