Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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