I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize