i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
