This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
