i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
