Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
