i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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