Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
