just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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