I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
