Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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