arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
