Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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