The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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