he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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