i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize