what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My feet surprised me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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