Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
