You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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