Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
