apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
