Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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