Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
