I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
