ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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