And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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