Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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