We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
