ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize