Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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