You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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