MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
