so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
