can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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it's like russian roulette but with a penis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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