what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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