I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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