she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
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One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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