In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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