you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize