why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
