new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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