I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
