Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The air taste purple.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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