I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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