it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
