1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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