wakey wakey hands off snakey
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
