Nicole vs. Life
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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