Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
third nipple confirmed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
