I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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