yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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