Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
