I just threw up on my dentist
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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