I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
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writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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