my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
