I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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