I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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