I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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