Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
