Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drunk is not a location!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
