It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
